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Have you ever wondered why condoms are so commonly locked away behind glass like video games at Walmart? It’s because people steal them! Why? Embarrassment! Now with padlocks over the rubbers what should be a simple selection becomes an agonizing ordeal. Let me paint you a little picture.

You’re standing in the parental planning isle at Wally World waiting for an employee, preferably male, to come by and unlock the condom chest. You wait for seven to ten minutes and you can’t wait any longer because you want to get home and do some sh%t on your computer or something. You go to the pharmacy desk and ask for help. The pharmacists gets on the intercom and says, “Employee assistance to the bone zone please, assistance to bone zone.” Ten minutes later a lady employee comes by and asks you which one you want. You tell her, “I’ll take Trojan his and her ribbed, no  not the purple box, the blue one, yeah that one, yes I know there’s only three in there, also can I have a box of ribbed and super thin.” Then she says, “I need to see your I.D. too.”

Everyone stops to watch. It’s total B.S! Safe sex is a joke. Here’s why:

Safe Sex

Movie sex scenes are always hot. They always happen at the perfect time (except for Juno, I s’pose) and they always wake up the next morning without the slightest bit of awkwardness. What especially never happens is the wearing of a condom. Putting on a condom is the fastest way to kill the mood outside of your mom walking in the room and asking you about the condom that you were about to put on.

On the real. Ideally you want a smooth transition from kissing to foreplay to sex. ESPECIALLY if you haven’t been with the girl before, and double mondo especially if she’s a virgin. In that small window of time in which you are putting on a condom, not only are you interrupting the escalation of passion, but you are giving her logical brain time to override her carnal instincts. She may reconsider during those 20 seconds. Movie characters never deal with that crap. Evidently, every woman in the movies is on birth control.

This is humorous condom ad. It was banned from t.v.

Image Source: thecurvature.com, youtube.com

A Condom A Day Keeps The O.B. Away